My MS Journey: Chapter 3-When Everything Falls Apart at Once
Sometimes life doesn't just hand you one hard thing. It hands you several all at once, and dares you to keep going.
6/24/20263 min read
A New Normal I Didn't Ask For
Starting treatment for a disease you'll have for the rest of your life is something that's hard to put into words. There's no easing into it. No trial run. One day you're living your life and the next day you're sitting down for your first injection, knowing this is now just part of who you are.
Every single week I had to get in my car and drive to my neurologist's office for my injection. And every single week I was nervous going in. Scared while it was being done. It never really got easier. I didn't walk in with confidence and walk out unbothered. I walked in with anxiety and walked out relieved that it was over, until the next week came around and we did it all over again.
I won't pretend it felt ok, because it didn't.
But I showed up anyway, every week. Because that was what this life required of me now.
When the Ground Shifted Again
Just when I was trying to find my footing with my diagnosis, something else happened that I wasn't prepared for.
My engagement was called off.
I want to sit in that for a moment, because I think it's important to be honest about how much that hurt. I was already navigating one of the hardest seasons of my life learning what MS meant for my body, my future, my daily routine, and now the relationship I thought I was building my life around was gone too.
I told most of my family what had happened. Everyone was surprised. But they were supportive, and that mattered more than I can express. Having people in your corner when your world is shifting underneath you makes a difference — even if they can't fix anything, just knowing they're there helps you breathe a little easier.
Everything I had been planning suddenly didn't exist anymore. And I had to figure out what came next — on my own.
Not a Woe Is Me Kind of Person
Here's something important you need to understand about me: I am not a woe is me kind of person. I never have been.
Did I have every reason to be angry? Yes. Did I have every reason to fall apart? Probably. A new chronic illness diagnosis, weekly injections I dreaded, a broken engagement, and an uncertain future, that's a lot for anyone.
But that's just not how I'm wired. I didn't walk around mad at the world. I didn't shut down. I didn't let myself sink into bitterness over something I couldn't change. MS was my new norm. The broken engagement was painful but it was done. And I had a life to keep living.
So I kept living it.
Keeping Myself Moving
I was working two jobs during this time, full time at a title company and part time at an insurance company. Staying busy was intentional. When life gets hard, I don't sit still, I keep moving. Work gave me structure when everything else felt uncertain. It gave me somewhere to be, something to focus on, a reason to get up every morning and show up.
My flare ups weren't frequent during this period, which was a small mercy. MS wasn't knocking me down physically the way I feared it might. But it was still there, always present in the back of my mind even on the good days. A quiet reminder that my life had changed in ways I was still learning to accept.
Thinking About What Comes Next
With my engagement over, I started thinking about the practical things. Our lease was coming up. I needed to figure out where I was going to live. Where I was going to land.
It's a strange thing, a breakup forces you to rebuild your entire vision of the future all at once. I had been planning a life with someone, and suddenly I was planning a life for just me. Starting over in ways I hadn't anticipated, while managing a diagnosis I hadn't asked for. I had a lot to think about.
But here's what I want you to take away from this chapter: I kept going. Not because it was easy. Not because I had everything figured out. But because I made a decision quietly, privately, without any fanfare, that this season was not going to define me.
Peace wasn't something that came naturally during this time. I had to choose it. Daily. One decision at a time. And I did.
In Chapter 4, I'll share how I slowly started to rebuild and the unexpected turn my life took that changed everything for the better.
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